for I am the blessed one

The story I am about to share is three weeks in the making. It is a long one, with many links but please humor me and check it out.

A few weeks ago, our church gave out $10,000 to the congregation over the three services. It was a mission to Bless Back the community of Lubbock.

Sealed envelopes were passed out in buckets with $5, $10, $20, $50, $100 or $250 inside. The rule was to bless someone in the community back with the money.

As the envelopes were being passed out, I leaned over to Gregg and told him I was going to do something for a couple from our church, Jeff and Tami, with whatever money I got. So, I was really hoping for the big money.

The other rule that our pastor gave out was that we were not to open the envelopes until we leave the church.

This was a problem.

We usually attend church at the Saturday night 5pm service, but this week we were at the 11am Sunday am service. There was a membership lunch after church and we needed to make things "official". No way was I waiting another hour or so to know what was in my envelope.

I made a beeline to the restrooms so I could rip into my envelope. On the way, I ran into Tami and chit-chatted w/her and found out that they were going to the luncheon as well. Of all people I could've run into, I run into the lady I am going to bless back. I took it as a sign of a good thing to come.

And it was! There was a $100 bill in my envelope. I was so pumped. And then we sat with Jeff and Tami at the luncheon. I couldn't stop smiling the whole time.

So, why Jeff and Tami??

Gregg and I have gotten to know him through our LifeHouse and I am just amazed by them as a couple. Jeff and Tami have 5 children ~ a 7 and 5 year old, 3 yr old twin boys, and 4 month old. Tami home schools them and Jeff is a third grade teacher.

When I am around them, I am inspired by their faith, their mission work, their love for each other, their children and the Lord. Their mission work?? They are advocates for orphans in India and have their own ministry to them ~ K.O.R.E (King of Kings Orphan Reach Evangelism).

They both have blogs as well. My jaw dropped in awe the first time I went to their sites and read their titles.

Jeff blogs at http://beavoicefororphans.wordpress.com/.
"God's calling to love my family, be a voice for orphans, & help the poor and needy..."

Tami blogs at http://beehappyhomes.wordpress.com/.
"Learning practical wisdom to love God, love family and love others"

They are passionate about God, each other, their children and their ministry. I just wanted to bless them for always blessing others.

The next day, I placed $100 bill in a small jewelry box and gift wrapped in Christmas paper. If nothing else, I thought that maybe Jeff and Tami could do something nice for each other with it or buy something for their FIVE children.

I wrote on a plain, white card a simple note.

May the Lord continue to bless your servant's heart.

Serve wholeheartedly, as if you were serving the Lord, not men, because you know that the Lord will reward everyone for whatever good he does, whether he is slave or free.
Ephesians 6:7

I left the note unsigned and the envelope return address blank.

Later that week, I was at the church office and our pastor called me into his office. He had asked the congregation to post on the church website how they used their money to bless others. A reporter that was doing an article about the project read what I wrote and wanted to interview me! Chris said he had given him my number and I should be getting a phone call.

Within moments of me returning home, the reporter called and I did a phone interview. And could I please email him a head shot of me?

Why sure.

Luckily, I had been at the Christmas lunch that morning, and I had had my hair fixed and jewelry on. So, I went into the backyard and had a little photo session with myself. Because any picture of myself that I have, has some child's head smack next to mine.

The next day, Tami posted about the package on her blog and what they did with the money.

Whew! It got to her! And her response to the money, made the whole Bless Back Project more incredible.

I called her the next day and told her it was me and why I chose to bless them back. But mainly, I wanted to tell her about the article and see if she would be willing to talk to the reporter herself. I thought he needed to know the conclusion to the story.

She was thrilled, just hoping her little orphans would get some media attention.

Then she blogged about how it was me who sent the money.

The story ran yesterday, Christmas Day, in the Lubbock paper. We only subscribe to the Sunday paper and I completely forgot about the article until about 8:00 last night. I searched the paper's website and found it here.

And the funny thing is, in the background of one of the pictures of a couple reaching into the bucket, there is Gregg's face and the arm of my purple sweater choosing my envelope. Random.

Let me include something that the article didn't mention but is totally incredible. A local businessman was visiting our church for the 1st time that Sunday morning the envelopes were being passed out. After the 1st service, he walked up to our pastor and handed him a $10,000 check to cover the Bless Back Project!

Also, in my conversations with the reporter, I found out he is the new religion reporter for our paper. He relocated to Lubbock in September and hasn't found a church. Since covering this story, he and his family have continued to attend Experience Life and will probably join.

If you went on to read the link of the newspaper article, you read about a man named Johnny Landrum.
Johnny Landrum

I took this picture of him a few weeks ago in preparation of a blog that I was planning on writing about him over on my other blog. Then he was mentioned in the article, and I thought I might as well tell about what I know about him here and now.

This.man.completely.fascinates.me.

From what I understand, he was employed and felt God was calling him to minister to others. He turned in his two weeks notice and sold all of his belongings and now has a street corner ministry. Johnny Landrum stands on a busy street corner in Lubbock, day in and day out, whatever the weather with his JESUSAVESOULS sign.

The day I took this picture, it was 16 degrees and snowing.

You can read his story here.

Between Johnny Landrum, Jeff and Tami, Experience Life, and just being here in Lubbock, Texas, I AM the blessed one.

May God continue to bless ALL of us!!

One Word

1. Where is your cell phone? purse
2. Your significant other? Gregg
3. Your hair? fixed
4. Your mother? difficult
5. Your father? heaven
6. Your favorite thing? kids (mine)
7. Your dream last night? money
8. Your favorite drink? Dr Pepper
9. Your dream/goal? freedom
10.The room you're in? kitchen
11. Your fear? tragedy
12. Where do you want to be in 6 years? happy
13. Where were you last night? Lifehouse
14. What you're not? warm
15. Muffins? blueberry
16. One of your wish list items? laptop
17. Where you grew up? Georgetown
18. The last thing you did? emails
19. What are you wearing? jeans
20. Your TV? off
21. Your pet? Bo
22. Your computer? ON
23. Your life? blessed
24. Your mood? chilled
25. Missing someone? dad
26. Your car? white
27.Something you're not wearing? shoes
28. Sport? gym
29. Favorite Store? Target
30. Your summer? moved
31. When is the last time you laughed? today
32. Last time you cried? Lifehouse
33. Who will/would re-post this? Rhandi

A) FOUR PLACES I GO OVER N OVER: Macy's school, Walmart, church, crazy (is that a place??)
B) FOUR PEOPLE WHO E-MAIL ME: Jill, Melinda, Nicole, Rhandi
C) FOUR OF MY FAVORITE FOODS: Mexican, Gregg's chili, pizza, hot sandwiches
D) FOUR PLACES I WOULD RATHER BE RIGHT NOW: in bed, on a cruise, taking the kids to Disney, Arlington

his bedside manner was questionable

I had another crazy experience with a Lubbock dr a couple of weeks ago. I get an annual cough at the end of every October and I finally went to get some meds at a walk-in clinic.

One perk of living in this town is there are cute college boys everywhere. But the novelty goes out the window when said cute college boy takes your weight and stats.

Not cool.

And then you are reminded how much his still a boy when he tries to make a basket with your thermometer cover. And scores and cheers himself.

But then I recalled how Gregg does the same thing with Paige's diapers. And that is why I find wet diapers under the kitchen table and a few feet away from all of the trashcans in our home.

I digress.

So, when the dr came in, the 1st thing out of his mouth was so you've had a hysterectomy??

For crying out loud. What???

He told me that there wasn't a LMP (last menstrual period) written down on my chart. And he became all in a tizzy because college boy didn't ask about my, you know, cycle.

And thank goodness for that. Because I would have died.

Then he asked me when it was and I was blank. Not something I can say that I keep up with anymore. So I threw at date at him and he was none the wiser.

So, then after we discussed what meds he would prescribe me, I asked him for a refill of my happy pills. He didn't want to prescribe me any because he said I would need to make an appointment just for that because if you are suicidal we need documentation.

Seriously.

I'm not suicidal thank you very much.

I.just.need.some.refills.on.my.happy.pills.for.my.generally.bitchy.even.on.a.good.day.self.

Yes, I got some refills. Of 30mg of Lexapro.

It is what it is.

picture Tommy Lee Jones in a lab coat

Once we moved in, I started making appointments for myself...eye dr, ob/gyn (of course, I'm not needing the ob part anymore), and the dermatologist. (I still need to find a family practitioner and a dentist.)

My eczema that I've had since college was raging and I could ignore it no longer. When I'm stressed, I take it out on my skin.

The dr. (a loud, hyper ex-Navy captain) gave me a steroid shot in the hip and new prescriptions.

While I was there, I pointed out some some things that I wanted him to look at on my face.

He told me there are so many issues with your face, let's just concentrate on the eczema for now.

I did one of my no you didn't just say that laughs and turned to his nurse and asked her if he did indeed just say that to me.

Are these country dr's just blunt or what??

the good news is that I can see!

Three weeks of glasses. Done.

17 seconds of lasik in one eye and 20 seconds in the other to restore my vision. Check.


Some insanity along the way. Of course.


Guess whose Valium didn't work before the dr started digging around in her eye?

I was given a Valium about 30 minutes before the procedure but it made me a bit hyper. When I was being prepped, I told the nurse about it and she couldn't understand why "the edge wasn't taken off".

Lady, 30mg of my happy pills daily don't take the edge off (and a Valium on top of it made me a bit nutty)

Apparently, the dr was on a time crunch so they kept adding numbing drops to my eyes. And apparently, I'm a fighter. Because my resistance to the instrument that was trying to be jacked in my eyes left me w/this....
this am

The dr kept telling me, you're a fighter. If he said it once, he said it 47 times.

Then he said, I bet you were fun during your c-section.

I told him that I was fine during my c-section.

He said, I bet you kicked your OB in the head.

Yes, he did.

The procedure was done and I was taken to sit in a recliner in the recovery room.

And I could see.

Now, I can't face makeup for four days and eye makeup for two weeks.

And really, is anyone going to notice??



It is what it is.

excuse me while I go make my house pretty and call all my friends

Yesterday was BooMama's birthday and her hubby did a guest post.

And for my 33rd birthday, I want to more like her.

Good thing I've got 11 months to shape up my brand of mediocre.

**I've would've normally posted something like this on my favorite things page, but since everyone forgets to go over there (hint - click on sidebar), I'm putting it here**

Flashback Friday

Sept. 1989
Eighth grade

I'm blind, but soon I'll see

For my birthday, all I asked for was simply, lasik.

Well, it turns out that lasik will be my birthday, Christmas, Valentine's day, anniversary present for eternity until I'm in Heaven and my eyesight will be healed along with my other, ahem, flaws.

Oh, I kid. (not about the Heaven part ~ I'm looking forward to that heavenly body that is promised)

And it turns out that I am indeed a candidate for lasik. Not everyone is. Who knew? I thought as long as you wanted it, you could get it. Not so.

And I've been wanting it for several years now. I have been wearing contacts for 18 years!

I had to sit in a dark room in order for my pupils to dilate for the testing. After reading the tests, the administrator told me that I have pupils the size of dinner plates.

That's not something you hear every day. Or ever.

In order to get my corneas surgery-ready, I have to wear glasses until my surgery in three weeks ~ on October 10th.

That meant that I had to get glasses and pronto. Because, these, they weren't going to cut it.

These are the ghetto glasses that has been sustaining me the past few years. Do notice one of the lenses is GONE. I've been popping that baby back in it's place for the past year. And it became a causality of the move.

After much deliberation (and a 5 year old's help) this is the result...
last night

And in three weeks, while I'm having my eyeballs shaved, my dear husband can snack on one of these in the waiting room...


Comforting.

over 200 posts!

For my 200th post, I looked on other blogs for ideas. I found this "I'd be" meme so I thought I'd give it a whirl. I started it days ago and of course, over analyzed it. I wasn't sure if I should answer it how I really see myself literally or how I'd like to be seen ideally.

So, take it for what it is.

I'd be...
~If I were a direction, I’d be South. (I'm a Southern girl)
~If I were furniture, I’d be a bed. (sleep)
~If I were a liquid, I’d be Dr. Pepper. (a very cold one)
~If I were a sin, I’d be jealousy. (I admit it)
~If I were a gem/stone, I’d be a diamond. (my favorite!)
~If I were a metal, I’d be gold. (I'm a gold girl)
~If I were a tree, I’d be a magnolia. (I've always wanted a magnolia tree)
~If I were a fruit, I’d be an apple. (not my favorite fruit but I see myself as an apple ~bright and shiny on the outside, either mushy, tart, sweet or bruised on the inside)
~If I were a flower, I’d be a zinnia. (bright, bold flower~love to cut them and put them in vases)
~If I were weather, I’d be a cool breeze. (not enough to mess up the hair though!)
~If I were a music instrument, I’d be a drum. (I've never played an instrument)
~If I were a color, I’d be red. (love red!)
~If I were an animal, I’d be a dog. (I'd love to sleep all day and have someone scratch my head)
~If I were a sound, I'd be laughter. (laughing at my kids)
~If I were a song, I’d be Jesus Take The Wheel. (I have to say this so often!)
~If I were a music type, I'd be country. (Kenny Chesney, Keith Urban...but I really listen to everything)
~If I were a perfume/cologne, I’d be Ralph Lauren Romance. (my favorite perfume but I was an Eternity girl for years)
~If I were a feeling, I’d be hopeful. (I'm so hopeful that Gregg and I will "right the wrongs" of his dad and my mom with our own children)
~If I were a book, I'd be The Bible. (because I need to open it more often)
~If I were food, I’d be pizza. (yum)
~If I were a city, I’d be San Antonio. (would love to live there again ~ Macy and I were born there, Gregg and I honeymooned there and bought our 1st home, friendly town with lots of good food and places to go)
~If I were a taste, I’d be chocolate. (milk chocolate although my personality can be bittersweet!)
~If I were a scent, I’d be a baby. (my babies)
~If I were a word, I'd be friend. (you can never have too many)
~If I were a verb, I’d be thankful. (we are blessed)
~If I were an adjective, I'd be sassy. (it is what it is)
~If I were an object, I’d be a wedding ring. (I always check out people's rings)
~If I were a piece of clothing, I’d be flip flops. (they always fit!)
~If I were a body part, I’d be eyes. (I love the eyes of my children and hubby)
~If I were an facial expression, I’d be a smirk. (I'm usually plotting something)
~If I were a movie, I’d be Steel Magnolias. (what's not to love about Shelby and the gang?)
~If I were a geometrical figure, I’d be a circle. (don't know why)
~If I were one of the 4 seasons, I’d be summer. (just not 100% humidity)
~If I were a sentence, I’d be a run on. (not only do I write in run-ons, I talk that way too!)
And for fun...
~If I were a pop star, I'd be Gwen Stefani. (she's just cool)
~If I were an actress, I'd be Ashley Judd. (she is beautiful and a terrific actress)
~If I were a talk show host, I'd be Nancy Grace. (she's a hoot)
~If I were a supermodel, I'd be Heidi Klum. (she seems normal)
~If I were a country singer, I'd be Martina McBride. (that chick can sing and she's gorgeous)
~If I were a store, I'd be Target! (you know it!)

three scars remain

Just like the post about my dad, I feel like I am finally to the point where I can share this story. If nothing else, this blog is alot a memoir for my daughters and they need to know how they came to be.

But this is not their birth story ~ but of the sibling that came before them.

The baby I never knew I was pregnant with.

In the spring of 2002, Gregg and I had been married right at two years. Baby fever hit me with everything I had. Before that time, I would have twinges but when it the fever just didn't go away, I knew it was time.

In April I met with my ob/gyn for a consultation about getting off of the pill. I left the office with some prenatal vitamins, books and pamphlets about getting pregnant and basically was given the "green light" to go get pregnant.

Funny, it was like I went to that appointment wanting Dr. Largoza to tell me that at 25 years old, I was old enough, mature enough, and married long enough to have a baby. She just started handing me literature and pills and I was like, "she must think I can do this!"

So, that month we tried and come May, I got my period. So in May we tried again, and in mid-June (it was Father's Day), I got my period again.

One of the techniques we applied to conceiving was the every-other-day approach. Meaning Day 1 was the day of your period ~ and start "trying" on Day 7. And continue for every-other-day until about Day 19.

I remember Day 7, Gregg and I were painting our master bedroom and bathroom that day. I started bleeding (my period was over a few days before) and I called my dr. We were to start trying and here I was bleeding again!

The nurse had a quick, simple answer for me that I accepted. She said that I might be ovulating and one of my ovulatory cysts might have ruptured so that is why I was bleeding. Since I was painting and exerting myself in different ways, I chalked it up to me overdoing it.

Oh, well. No trying that month.

It was the end of June that my dad was diagnosed with Leukemia and we thought it was the end for him (again). In early July is when he was admitted to MD Anderson in Houston to begin the isolation to get him physically ready for his bone marrow transplant.

I was in Houston with my mom for a couple weeks in July. I'd go the bathroom one day, I'd be bleeding. A couple of days later it would stop. Then it would start over again. I also had cramps that I associated with the bleeding.

It was an inconvenience at the most but my mind was preoccupied with everything with my dad.

Flash to lunchtime on July 22.

I had dropped Bo off at the vet for the day probably for allergy testing or something. I was at home with my parent's dog, Daisy.

We had a two story house and I remember walking towards the half bath downstairs. I ended up laying down on the floor in sheer pain in my left side.

I don't remember how long I laid there. I ended up going up to my bedroom to call the dr.

The nurse asked if I was pregnant.

I was like, "no...I had a period on Father's Day and I've been bleeding on and off ever since. And we hadn't "tried".

She told me to go take a pregnancy test and call her back. Good thing I had one on hand.

It was positive. I knew that I was either pregnant or miscarrying.

An appointment for later on was scheduled so I took a shower. I remember I chose to wear khaki shorts and sleeveless light blue Liz Claiborne sweater with a white flower on it.

As I drove myself to my appointment, I chose not to call Gregg and tell him anything. Perhaps, there was a chance that I was pregnant, I wanted to surprise him.

At the appointment, Dr. Largoza did a trans vaginal ultrasound on me. I was off looking for something in the screen not knowing what to look for.

She told me that I was pregnant but my baby was not where it was supposed to be. Instead of being in my uterus, it was in my left tube. An ectopic, or tubal, pregnancy.

I'm thinking, "ok let's have a procedure to put the baby where it needs to be".

Not quite. She told me that I would need to go to the hospital next door and she was admitting me for emergency surgery.

The next 18hours or so was a blur. I remember calling Gregg and telling him to meet me at the hospital ER. Poor guy didn't even know I was at the dr, so he wasn't prepared to hear that I was about to have emergency surgery. And that we had lost our first child.

When I walked up to the ER check-in, the attendants were waiting for me. Dr Largoza had called ahead to tell them I was coming. I remember needing a place to sit immediately. I think someone brought me a wheelchair and found a bed for me. I bypassed a waiting room full of people.

I remember changing in a hospital gown and the nurses putting pads under me because I was severely bleeding.

In fact, I was hemorrhaging. I was later told that if it had continued, within hours I would have died due to my internal bleeding.

Gregg got there just before I was taken off to be prepped for surgery. I vaguely remember the anesthesiologist and then I have flash of remembering being in recovery.

Gregg waited for what he said took well over an hour. He sat by himself in the waiting room waiting for me to get out of surgery. He was worried about losing me and worried that we might not be able to have more children.

Back then, it was just Gregg and me. Our families were distant so there was no one to call to come to sit with him. He didn't call any neighbors either. He just waited to call people after the surgery when he knew what to tell them.

Dr. Largoza came out to meet Gregg. It was the 1st time that they had ever met. She said the laparoscopic surgery went well. She couldn't save my left tube because it was severely damaged. And there were pictures to prove it. (I later saw them too). She said she thought I should be able to conceive more children with just one tube.

Apparently, my tube must have been damaged from the start and I had to get pregnant to find out. there was an abnormality.

Yearly physicals and pap smears don't rule out this. It should be required that every woman be given an ultrasound for all of her parts. A woman shouldn't have to get pregnant 1st to find out that something is wrong.

I laid in bed that night in sheer shock of it all. I had been pregnant. I had dreamed of being pregnant and this right of passage.

It was gone.

Gone with my severely damaged left tube. Which meant to me, half of my chances of conceiving again was gone.

I had surgery. I had never had been in the hospital for anything in my life. But I had been in this particular hospital before. It was the hospital I was born in.

So to have gone through emergency surgery, to remove a baby that was in one of my fallopian tubes was traumatizing.

I was put in a room with a woman who had a hysterectomy. I remember talking with her throughout the night with the white curtain between us.

Gregg came the next morning and I was able to check out around lunchtime.

I had to be wheeled out to the car in a wheelchair due to hospital policy. On the way to the parking garage, I passed a woman being wheeled out with her newborn.

I wondered if I would ever have a newborn to wheel out.

My mom and sister(who was visiting from Mississippi) drove to San Antonio from Houston the next day for a couple of hours.

I showed my mom my three scars and she pulled down her pants to show me her scars from where she had her tubes tied.

Not.quite.the.same.thing.

My sister, who was dealing with infertility, told me that "at least you know you can get pregnant."

Seriously. that is what I deal with with those two.

The next few weeks became increasingly difficult for me emotionally. Gregg and I struggled as a couple. While I mourned the baby and our loss, he was just so thankful that I was alive.

He didn't see the baby as a "baby" but rather just a "spirit". But, in that examining room on July 22nd, Dr. Largoza called the image on the ultrasound screen a baby.

I will always be grateful to her for validating my pregnancy.

One night while out at a restaurant while my 15 year old sister-in-law was in town, I ran out of the restaurant crying. While Gregg and Lindsey were happily eating their chips and hot sauce, I had images of my baby being pulled out of my belly button.

At my post-op appointment six weeks later, we were given the "ok" to start trying again.

Macy was born on May 22, 2003 ~ 10 months to the day of losing my 1st baby.

I was fortunate to get pregnant with both Macy and Paige the very first month of trying with one fallopian tube.

We are immeasurably blessed.

My mind does wander though to the baby that would have been born probably in February of 2003. Would it have been our boy?

And if I had that baby, I sure wouldn't have Macy Lynn. And what would I do without my Roo-Roo? And my Pumpkin?

It irritates us when people assume we (or Gregg) might be disappointed that we don't have a son. Healthy babies is all we cared about. We've had too many friends suffer infertility, had multiple miscarriages, one friend deliver a stillborn baby at 22 weeks, and one friend deliver a full-term baby only for him to die 19 hours later. (And we went to that precious baby's funeral and let me tell you ~ it was excruciating. Tears were rolling down my neck ~ I cried more then then I did at my dad's funeral.)

Two children is all we have ever wanted. And as Gregg likes to say, "you're just rollin' the dice" every time you get pregnant.

It has been six years today and I still feel that "loss". Sure, when I talk to someone face to face, I could matter-of-factly tell my story. I've done it a million times.

Then, there are times I allow myself to "go there". To remember. To feel terrified. To grieve. It doesn't happen often but it is still makes my eyes well up and my heart race, feel heavy and takes my breath away.

Just in writing this post, I couldn't do it all in one sitting. I've had to sike myself up enough to finally write it. I had to take many breaks over the past couple of days and almost talked myself out of writing it at all. I was going to write about it on Mother's Day but I wasn't ready.

I do feel fortunate to be able to celebrate Mother's Day because I am a mother. I was a mother in July of 2002 and I am a mother today.

In a happy place in my mind, I cling to the hope that heaven has a special place for little babies gone before they ever had a chance. It is a coping method that I chose to use and I will until I go to heaven to see for myself.

She's got my eyes

They were blue until she was about three. Since then, they have gotten greener and greener!

For I know the plans I have for you...

our hands ~ courtesy of Charles

We left Lubbock on Father's Day to drive back home to Arlington. Gregg and I have been known to have some of our best talks while on road trips. We hashed how that weekend was bittersweet being in town for a funeral but also enjoying our family's company. Gregg's cousins have children our girls age, so we loved that our girls got to play with their cousins. While at Meme's, she had a broken faucet in her guest bathroom. Gregg mentioned how he wished he lived closer so he could pick up the part for her and just fix it for her.


Every time we're in town, the family jokes how we should just move to Lubbock so Gregg could run that store there.


On that following Thursday, four days later, Gregg's boss called him and asked him if he would be interested in going to the store in Lubbock. The store manager there had quit and Gregg was being asked to apply.


Seriously.

So long story short, we are moving to Lubbock! But there was over a week where Gregg was asked to apply and told to get his house ready to sell but hadn't had the official interview for the position. We just kept praying for God's path but I admit it was stressful.


One morning in the middle of this, Gregg called me from work to tell me he had found a pen.


"Blessed is the man who follows the Lord"


This pen was on the ground by the Customer Service desk and Gregg happened to pick it up.


Ok, God! We're listening!

In all honesty, when Gregg 1st got the call, it was like we were handed a huge gift from God. I would love to say it was an answer to prayer because that is not true. Maybe an answer to a prayer that we didn't even pray. God knew our hearts, our desires that we didn't even pray to him to "fix". I went and took a shower and cried tears of relief and happiness.


When we told people, they are like "Lubbock, now is that a good thing?"


First of all, in retail, it is good to be "asked" to go somewhere and on the same token, good to say "yes" when asked. Also, since Gregg wants to continue to work his way up through the company past store manager level, it is good to move and have different store experiences.

Lowe's make moving very easy. We are assigned a relocation consultant most importantly, they move us. Like pack us, move us, everything.

And, I'm used to moving. I don't mind moving. I like living different places, meeting new people and having new experiences. Temple was Gregg's first store and we lived there three years, then he was asked to go to South Dallas two years ago and now asked to go to Lubbock. So, this will be our third move in 5 years.

Let's move while the kids are little and then settle down when they're older. But really, I want this for Gregg.

Gregg has been in a very difficult store in South Dallas for the past two years. He has been beat down with all of the crime, drama, and lack of quality employees. In Lubbock, Gregg would be able to thrive and achieve personal and financial success that his peers have been receiving.


And as cheesy as it sounds, I feel like God has a plan....let me count the ways.

~Gregg went to high school in Sundown, outside of Levelland, which is outside of Lubbock. He left for college and a year later, his mom died. He says he feels like he's "coming home" after all of these years.

~Gregg's grandma, Meme, lives in Levelland and is the one we vacation to Padre with.

~Gregg's aunt and uncle, Beth and Steve, and her three children and their families(who have children my girl's age) live in Lubbock

~Gregg's uncle and aunt, Darrell and Linda, live in Levelland. Darrell is in AA, a sponsor, and drives to Lubbock for his meetings. At the funeral, they kept talking how they need to go to a meeting together the next time we were in town..

~Gregg's sister, Lindsey, goes to Tech will be graduating next spring and getting married (in Lubbock) next July

~Gregg's cousin leads worship at this awesome new church that we visited at Christmastime. The whole family (except Meme) goes there and we will too. What a relief to not have to search for a church!

~All of these family members will be able to assist me in finding drs, hairdressers, etc etc.

~We stayed at Meme's when were in town for the funeral. It was weird to see them again so soon after seeing them in Padre the week before. When we were leaving to go home, Meme told me, "I could get used to seeing you every weekend!"

~ Beth and Steve are realtors

~ Our home group friend's daughter will be starting Tech and we hope to be able to be available to her.


Gregg starts his new job in Lubbock on the 14th and we'll go out next weekend to look at houses. Then the girls and I will be in Arlington until our house closes in Lubbock.


This move will be totally bittersweet. We love our life in Arlington ~our home, our friends, our church, the whole area. But we are excited about what God has planned for us in Lubbock.

I have lived my life looking for "signs" and one of my favorite quotes is, "life is what happens to you when you're busy making other plans." With all of the events of the past month, with the marriage conference, the funeral and the uncanny timing of everything, we feel that God is the mastermind of it all.


It is amazing that Gregg and I are completely on the same page spiritually. Never in our lives have we felt so led and to have our hearts so open.


But they are, and we are willing and very able.

call me if you need a wedding playlist

The very next day after returning home from Padre, Gregg and I went to a marriage conference for the weekend. We signed up about a month ago through our church and the weekend was called, "A Weekend to Remember" sponsored by FamilyLife Ministries.

You won't believe the reactions when you tell people you're going to a marriage conference..."Are y'all ok...?" Um...yeah. We've got our issues, but after 8 years of marriage, we needed to do something to refresh things. And we've never spent the night away together since before Macy was born.

The conference was also held at a local fancy resort so that sold us as well. And after initially reading the itinerary, on Saturday night was "date night" where the last session ends at 4:45. Then we would have the the rest of the night to go out on a date. And the last session of the day was called "Marriage After Dark." Gregg was like "book it!!"

My mom and Earnie came to our house to watch the girls for the weekend. Gregg and I left at about 2 for the 3pm check-in. As we were driving over to Grapevine (about 30min), we were all silent. I asked Gregg if that was weird that we weren't talking. He reminded me that we had spent 20+ hrs in the car together over the past week (and the whole week together).

But you always here about people who don't have anything to talk about when the kids go to college. I'm like, "oh crap, we're 5min. down the road and silence!" No really, it was just nice to be able to look out the window and "be". No, adjusting the movie, the volume, digging snacks out, passing out sippy cups and finding toys.

After the 3pm hotel and then the seminar check-in, we bolted out of the hotel for a meal at the Macaroni Grill. Sure we could've eaten at the hotel, but we knew we'd eat two meals there on Saturday, so let's go off to do something different. Let me tell you how nice it was not to cut up anyone's food or get the check as soon as the food comes to the table. I also loved not rushing through a meal and even, (gasp!) ordering dessert! And looking across the table and breaking bread (literally) with my handsome husband wasn't bad either...

The seminar didn't start until 7 so we had plenty of time to roam around looking through the books set up at the resource center outside the banquet room. As I didn't have enough cheese already in the cheesecake I devoured, let me tell you what was playing in the background:

~ You're Still The One by Shania Twain
~ Faithfully by Journey
~ something by Nat King Cole
~ You Are The Sunshine of My Life
~ My Girl
~ plenty of James Taylor

Of course, I had to run into the seminar room, find my seat and my Ultra Fine Point Black Sharpie and start jotting down the titles in my seminar book. All for the blawg.

Obviously, I was in the right frame of mind to start the "Why Marriages Fail" session.

The only downside to the weekend was the seminar started at 8:30 on Sat. and 9:00 on Sunday. Something about having to wake up before 9 when the kids aren't there is W.R.O.N.G. So, Gregg got done getting ready first and went on ahead to get some coffee and grab us something for breakfast. I stuck around getting ready and rushing out the door so we could meet up to walk together for the "Unlocking the Mystery of Marriage" session. We were seated and about 30 minutes later, Gregg noticed something on me that surprised him.

This is my necklace that I love that has the girls on one side and Gregg on the other. I only have worn Gregg on Valentine's Day, our anniversary, and now on this day. On all the other days, he remains "closest to my heart."

For lunch we at at the Riverwalk Cafe buffet. And nothing says lunch like: pancakes, mashed potatoes, a sandwich wrap, shrimp and cookies. Then we headed up to our room to freshen up. In my case, brush my teeth.

I also had bacon for lunch.

A sweet couple at the elevator were trying to take each other's picture. I realized that we hadn't taken any pics yet either. So, I volunteered to take hers and she took ours. I didn't either bother to fix the red eyes b/c they just seem to match the hunk of bacon between my teeth.

So after reviewing the picture on my camera, I decided we should not embarrass ourselves any further. We did one of those hold-out-the-camera-and-smile pics. During the photo session, we realized in the 11 yrs together, we've never done one of those. I can't say enough how a fresh coat of powder and lipstick does wonders.


The conference was a great basis to build our relationship. Frankly, we've been "winging it" for 8 years. Gregg and I didn't grow up with parents who reflected God in their relationships with each other or with their children. We grew up with that but when we got married, we knew we wanted to raise our children differently. But how?

Now we have some tools. Here are some notes and quotes that stuck out for us:
~Love is unconditional, not performance based. (ouch)
~ Rejecting your spouse in any way is rejecting God.
~ Walking in the path to oneness requires faith in God.
~ Love won't keep us together, but commitment will.
~ Say 5 positives for every negative.
~ To avoid conflict is to avoid reality.

We had the best time and hated to leave. It is hard to come back to reality and keep these tools in check. But, we are making a point to get out conference manuals to hash and refresh. We are a work in progress but our hearts and desires are in the right place ~ to have the marriages that our parents didn't, to model oneness with God, and to build a Godly legacy in our children.

"And I will ask the Father, and he will give you another Helper, to be with you forever."
John 14:16

when the sun went down, I was singing about sexy tractors

It's almost summertime and Kenny Chesney is on tour again. I about lost it when I heard the news of his ankle mishap in Columbia, SC, and I'm sure he appreciated my prayers for a speedy recovery. More likely he was secretly wishing he was in his old blue chair having another beer in Mexico.

But like the big star that he is, he's continued on with his tour. And back where I come from, that is called some dedication. Thank goodness because I had tickets to last Saturday night's show.

I went with Kassie, my maid-of-honor, roommate 5yrs in college, and BFF in high school and junior high. That is 18+ years of living in fast forward and of course a lot of things we would've done different back when we thought we were "the good stuff". Regardless, we had been looking forward to a night of freedom, even if for a couple of hours.

We have done this concert thing many times over the past two decades. Our first was New Kids on the Block in 1989. I don't have any pictures to document the turquoise, baggy, slit leg outfit (this was the M.C. Hammer era) that I wore with my purple speckled glasses.

I found the pic below of us from freshman year all dolled up for a Clint Black concert. We were wearing baggy blouses, tight Wrangler jeans (before we owned any Rocky Mountains), and me with my tight bangs clipped back by a row of Mexican dolls. My shirt had a rows of beads hanging down from the front so my love of embellishments go way back.

December 29, 1990

May 3, 2008

I was all tense watching for Kenny to rise out of the hydraulic lift and thought to myself that surely accidents such as his don't happen twice. I'm sure he had a plan to do a lot of things different this time to avoid another injury. And injuries do happen because little Kenny isn't so young anymore.

Apparently, Kassie and I aren't so young anymore either. We knew we were old (and had bladders that hadn't recovered from bearing children) when we had to put the liquid refreshment down (1st time I'd had anything in 3yrs btw) just so we wouldn't have to pee again. Because we had already been at least three times. And once before we left On The Border.

In the end, my hands hurt from clapping, my throat was hoarse and I was dead tired. It was me and the road and the radio for the hour drive home. I opened up the sunroof to get some cold air to pep me up. Oh, how I wished that I was on the coast of somewhere beautiful instead of driving home with one eye open. I was so stinkin' tired! The nightlife is no place for this tired momma! I came home to dear husband who was having no shoes, no shirt and no problems at 1:15 when I rolled in.

Now, Kenny, he may be anything but mine and that when I closed my eyes to sleep, I thanked God that I already know how forever feels.

And that is all I need to know.

Barbie got herself a tatoo

The other day, Gregg and the girls were busy out in the yard. And, in my attempt to NOT* to be in the yard, I decided to organize the playroom. Go through every basket, drawer and bin and make sure everything is in the right place. Throw away old Happy Meal toys, broken toys, and I even threw away the ginormous Barbie head stylin' thing Macy got for Christmas. It's one of those things where you style Barbie's head and do her makeup. Well, Barbie didn't come with makeup remover and when a four year old decides that lip gloss is a good eyeshadow (apply and reapply daily for 5 months), that is a whole bunch of funk. It's been at least 10 days and she hasn't even asked about it.

I got really crazy and grabbed my beloved black Sharpie Ultra Fine Point marker. I decided to go through the girl's Barbies and label whose is whose. Because I remember such details. On all 18 Barbies. And then I moved onto the baby dolls. If they had a tag, I wrote on the tag the baby's "given name" and which daughter it belongs to. If the baby does not have a tag, I wrote the name on the back of the head, under the hair. The whole process really brought me alot of joy and satisfaction. I roll like that.

When my daughters are grown, I want them to have what is theirs. My sister and I always fought over our Christmas stockings every year. I said mine was the one with the Christmas tree on it. Susan said that it was HERS and mine was the one with the red plaid ribbon. My mom never remembered so there you have it. When the "stuff" was divied up several years ago, Susan got the tree stocking. We had to rack our brains over who had Papa Smurf and who had Smurfette, who had the boy Munchie-chi, and who had the girl. (I had Smurfette and the girl :-)

Christmas 2001

My mother always told me that when "you're the mother, you can do things my way." Well, I guess "labeling" is one of my many, neurotic ways.

*I hate doing yard work or really anything much outside where I might get dirty (even picnics). I've made it 31 years and have never operated any piece of lawn equipment. My hands start getting itchy, the eczema flares, the eyes itch, the snot starts flying, the sweat starts seeping and I become a big, helpless mess. Not a good combo for me. So, I go inside and find me the biggest project I can and "busy myself". "Yes, husband, I'll bring y'all some water but you and the kids - y'all just stay outside b/c I've got a mess I'm going through in here..."

I have stunk to a new level

Yesterday, while wearing my Nike's in the backyard, I stepped in fresh doggie poo. I took them off in the garage with the intention of coming back out to clean them later. Then the rest of the day consisted of: feeding the kids lunch and dinner, showering, taking the kids to the park, reading blogs, talking on the phone, reading my People magazine, and taking a Benadryl so I could turn off this brain of mine to go to sleep.

I forgot about them until this morning when I went to put them on so I could get to my favorite Saturday morning class at the gym. Oh crap!

I was running late as usual so I ran back into the house to go put on my old pair of Nike's. Apparently, I Goodwilled them and forgot. So, back in the garage, I grabbed a utility knife and started scraping the doo out of the crevices and running the shoe under the garage sink. My shoes were all wet but I put them back on, flipped over my floor mat and drove off. On the way to the gym, I debated whether I should go into the class(because I was late) or just jump on an elliptical and cut my loss of missing the class.

Clearly, the Golden Rule was not in my thought process. Because I marched right in and did lunges, squats and leg lifts with the rest of 'em. Except I kept smelling that doo smell waft past me... I prayed the people around me had bad allergies and had taken some meds for the actual purpose it was intended for(unlike me, who needs one every.single.night in order to fall asleep).

After the class, I went to the sauna and took my shoes and socks off at the door. A small, 168 degree space with dog poo I knew was not a good combo. I have boundaries, people.

It's how I roll.

I take good literature to heart

I love me some free therapy in the form of self-help books from the library. I recently finished this book where the on page 17, I read all I needed to make an impact on my life.

"...Make your bed everyday. ...By making your bed first thing in the morning, you will get your day off to the right start....You will find a sense of accomplishment greets you at the beginning of your day. Not only will you feel more organized, you will also have a sense of clarity every time you go in and out of your bedroom."

Ok, I needed to see that in writing to consider such an abstract concept. That is not how I roll. The bed might get made at some point of each day but considering the fact that I don't even bathe until naptime, some days it.just.doesn't.get.done. That's what doors are made for ~ to shut and forget about the mess inside.

Being the rule-follower that I AM NOT, I found myself a happy-medium that I can live with....

last Tuesday

Paigey got her stool but Macy informed her that she "missed the boat."
last Thursday

today


This technique has been working out really well!

**it pains me, makes my heart race and stomach twitch to show the internet that I don't have matching sheets to my new comforter set. But I don't**